Invisible...

I’m in the farthest corner of the room right now. I’m watching the sea of people crash into each other just like the waves that crash onto the shore. And just like the waves, they make noises that are very hard for me to decipher. All I hear is gossip and nonsense gibberish and they seem to enjoy it. Everyone has their own clique. They have their own circle of friends. Everybody belongs to something…except for me. I don’t fit into anything. I just CAN’T fit in.

Do you ever feel like nobody wants to be friends with you? Do you feel like you’re a walking bubble of negative energy that repels everyone who comes near you? I hope not. But if yes, well then welcome to my world! Welcome to feeling alone in a room full of people! (Smiling sarcastically)

If you’d ask me, yes, I have friends. I even spend the whole day with them. But even how happy they can be, it seems that I still don’t belong. It’s like there’s a wall in between me and them. I listen to all the chitchats they’re having and laugh at their senseless jokes. But I think that’s the only thing I do. I can’t talk. And I want to talk about so many things to them. It’s just that nobody cares. Nobody ever dares to listen. If I talk, everyone’s talking and laughing too. If we go somewhere, they always leave me behind as if I’m not around; it's as if I’m not with them. It’s like I’m the one chasing people around like a desperate little puppy looking for a home when she lost her mom. And I hate that feeling! I hate the feeling of chasing around!

It seems that no one can see me. Nobody listens to me. Not even one person makes a move to ask if I feel okay. They only ask me what’s wrong if they see that I’m on the verge of crying. Why, people?! Am I invisible? ‘Cause it’s like I am to you. But if I’m invisible, why the heck can I still see my reflection in the mirror? Or am I the only one who can see my own reflection too?

I’m not craving or begging for everyone’s attention on me. It’s just that I hate not being listened to, I hate being ignored when in fact I notice every person who comes near me and I listen to every rant they blabber about. But when it’s my time to talk, nobody has the time to hear me out. EVERYONE’S SELF-ABSORBED. I’m even self-absorbed for complaining about everyone not talking to me.

Now I’m sitting in the farthest corner of the room, watching people laugh and talk as if they’re making fun of me, laughing at me… mocking me. I guess I’m meant to be alone…to be lonely. I don’t think I can trust anyone in this wretched place full of fake, deceptive humans. Right from the start, I was the one being played on by everyone. I open up myself to someone and I let them see my weaknesses because I trust them that much. Then in a split second, they disappoint me. They make me regret trusting them. I guess I’ll just be by myself and take a solo flight in this freakishly terrifying life. Being alone is less depressing than having friends who make you feel so low. It’s even more relieving than to be around with those people who call you a friend but leave you around like trash. Being a wallflower is way better than to be someone who acts all fake just to get everyone’s attention. I might as well stay invisible. Maybe being invisible has its own perks. So, goodbye for now. I'll just stay right here in this corner and continue being unseen.